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Entry 1
As you can see this blog is called, "The View from Here" By H.V. Smith.
Two things you need to know:
- H.V. Smith - That is my name. It is NOT some pseudonym (a fake [aka. bogus] name) I'm using to protect my identity in the name of corporate democratic discussion here at YD Industries. I stand by what I say. There can be no harm in truth.
- The View Up Here - I am on the upper floor of the Thornduke 3 Building, just past the Quad, and I have a window-adjacent cubicle that looks right out (if I lean back far enough) on the Abercrombie Terrace parking lot. So I get to see what happens immediately before someone enters the building and immediately after they leave. I know when meetings are happening even before they buzz our security manager, Dan Hernandez. Como esta? Esta Douchebag Hernandez. Ha! (If E.H. could figure out how to turn his Trio on, I might be worried he was reading this. But even if, by some miracle he bumped the power button, I have placed a little thing I call the Defendor Blocker on his browser. So no dice Dan!)
Anyway - my point is that I have private and exclusive access to some
very essential goings ons about and directly outside the building.
Want to know who scraped Cathy's Geo? Uh...that would be Mike, with
his Texas Longhorn belt buckle. Cause he pulled in too tight with his Dodge Ram in the "compact" space. RAM is not a compact Mike. Why do you even need a truck? You live in a condo. Five blocks from work. Alone.
OK, that's enough for the first entry. I've got to run some mimeographs for the flow tolerance meeting.
Entry 2
Apparently Cathy just put Mike on her shitlist. Guess someone is reading this thing! It got me to thinking about my own shitlist. Here's what I have so far, concequences be darned:
Shitlist
By H.V. Smith
- Lucinda and Fred. For making microwave popcorn at 9:20 am EVERY
day. It's just too early.
- Woman from cubicle 407-B12. Why are you not friendly? Would it have killed you to just laugh when I said, "Seems like a shame to be faxing on
such a nice day?" Your response? "I'm faxing." Uh... not the point. It's called compassion, might want to suck a little bit of THAT out of the fax.
- Microwave popcorn. Why does it smell like buttered urine during minute 1-2?
- Andy Uchlan. Carryover from End of Year Shitlist, 2K4. Give it back Andy!
- Yu-gi Oh. What the heck? Seriously.
- Hyper dogs. When I'm on the parcourse, I don't want your pooch jumping on my track suit, cause it means with my allergies I have to bury or burn the pants. And with my weight fluctuation and my car payments, pants are a luxury.
- Mike "the laminator is broken, it'll have to wait a week" Stanton.
Screw you. And the laminator you rode in on.
- People who describe themselves as "champagne." What?
- Cindy Yu. It's called teamwork, Cindy. And just because I was not
invited to the meeting, doesn't mean I have nothing to contribute. Remember my memo????
That's it. Gawd, I have to stop making lists, cause it really gets
my BP up. I'm going to go steal some Pringles from marketing's kitchen.
Entry 3
A tip for Linda in payables: Your repeated handing back of the PVO to
me with no note or indication what is wrong with it is both passive AND
aggressive. If I did something wrong, just file the proper 143-B Form
and drop that in the plastic holder outside my cube. I answer ALL my
mail! Just ask Doug.
This just in from J.T. my "eagle in legal": A certain person
in Receivables was spotted at the outdoor market running her hands
through an entire section of butter lettuce. Just absent mindedly brushing her hand back and forth over the exposed greens. She is now known to you and me as "The Lettuce Whisperer."
Off to Physical Plant. Today is donut Thursday.
Entry 4
Hey, here's a cool new site I found!
Entry 5
Cafeteria Dish Review:
By H.V. Smith
The Thursday lunch special "Texi Taco Salad" should be avoided at all costs. I'm feeling shaky, and I don't think it was just the extra side cup of pickled jalepenos and sour cream I requested. Dave in Physical Plant reported similar GI discomfort, and he didn't even have the cornlet topping. On the other hand, the apple pie seemed fine. I'd eat that again.
Entry 6
Shitlist (Part 2)
By H.V. Smith
- The slow pace of nano-tech. The myriad of possibilities is
endless. Endless and very small. (Like the gripes of one Stanley
Becker about his order. "My form says it shipped, Mr. Pecker... I
mean Becker." HA HA HA! LOL. GOTCHA!
- Generic cortisone itch cream. Self explanatory.
- C-Date. The Christian Singles website where meet and greets are
few and far between for this Consumer Electronic Rep. Hey ladies, Level 5 Salary! Uh...hello...is thing on. Guess not. I need to buy a new
webcam.
- The Public Library. Could someone please tell me since when did
this house of knowledge become a refuge for the city's homeless? It
smells like my old doorway at 778 Adeline Street, Buffalo NY. In the
month of April alone, I thermo-rayed 2 metric kilos of urine. That's the size
of a premature baby. I should know! I was one!
- Weak Hazelnut Coffee.
- Being named Customer of the Week over at the YD delicatessen (for
those on the outside - it's called OrderUP!). Some attention is nice.
All this attention is too much! I have work to do! ;)
- Gangsta Rap. Can I get a, "What?"
- Whoever removed my "I'd Rather Be Copying Copying Copying" mug
from its hook in the break room. Not funny. Not funny. Not funny.
- I have been learning basic HTML to sweeten up some of the company
pages. (To no avail - apparently the "Design Team" is not as "open"
to suggestions as I was led to believe. ) I will post one of my HTML
tables soon - it's sweet what you can do with just the basics. BBEDIT
RULZ!
- All the batteries in my smoke detectors failing at once. I am
going to try and stagger the replacements. This may compromise my
safety in the short run, but should prove less of a nuisance in the
LR.
OK, enough. To be continued though. Time to find some eats!
Entry 7
Congratulations (AGAIN) to Jan Wolkoviak for her OUTSTANDING
performance on the Philbert 2 Ply-Installation account. We COULD
never have done it withOUT you. Yes, that is called sarcasm!! I don't even need to do a shitlist, when something as OUTrageous as this happens.
The facts:
Me: 8 yrs as Jr. Acct. Rep, NE Kingdom Div., Residential. 3 straight years as a 8 plus in cust. satisfaction (would have been 10 if not for
afforementioned Mr. Pecker...I mean Becker.) Perfect attendance at
all off-site company social functions. No visible injuries!! (The
paper cut does NOT count (unless I file a claim--heehee))
You: Smell like flowers. Hired in 1999 as a "temp". Does not wash
spoon after eating Dannon fruit on the bottom yogurt in break room.
Recycles colored paper.
Arggghhh!!! I'm fit to be tied. Or fit to grab some fries. Actually Ted down in Fulfillment has some of these salt packed sardines... BRB
Entry 8
There's a Turkey in the Mailroom!!
I made my usual Monday morning trip down to see Tom Needleburn (LMAO
when I heard his name the first time!) our postal specialist. I guess
you could say I look up to Tom, which is why I make a point to start
off my week settin for a spell with old man Needleburn. He's not THAT
much older than me, but I like ribbin him about our miniscule
differences. LOL! Probably cause we're into so many of the same
things...we were both scouts as kids, we both collect medieval
weaponry, and we both share a love of the one and only Tazmanian
Devil! We used to go out to a great Chinese joint down on Weyman
Street, past the docks. I don't know why, but all the waiters wore WB
character shirts. Like regular white dress shirts with Taz, Tweety,
Sylvester and Taz, Bugs, the WORKS! It was so great. But after a
month or so, the shirts were gone - and when I asked what happened to
the fun shirts everyone wore, Elaine, the owner, simply said that
someone complained!! Who does that? How can you complain about fun?
Anyway - Tom and I talked about it today and just as I started
getting steamed all over again, I took a look at the calendar someone
had put up in the receiving room. It was one of those free calendars
we sometimes get from our vendors, but there must have been some
misunderstanding at the printers (happens all the time) because it is
April and the picture is of a Turkey!!! I mean, a turkey in April???
So funny. We laughed till our stomachs hurt. I have to remember
tomorrow to call Tom and instead of saying any words, just do a gobble
gobble and hang up.
Today is totally the day for some turkey jerkey!
Entry 9
This got circulated today via email from Judy Meyers, a former VP of
strategic packaging. Click the image to see the big picture.
I couldn't agree with the judges more.
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