"The View from Here"
YD Industries Employee Weblog (aka - "blog")
By H. V. Smith

Blog pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Entry 17

Peanut Butter List

Say what? Let me explain. I have received a LOT of positive mail from readers of the YD Intranet. BUT nearly 77.8% of that mail has indicated that I may be headed for heart trouble if I keep holding onto anger. In an effort to address this, I am compiling a list of things I like, rather than loathe. Hence the name of this column! I'm a nutter lovah!

1. Doing something FUN on the weekends. You know how Steve Kippelton in Redistribution Management always asks "Doing anything FUN this weekend?" on Fridays and then on Monday he asks, " Do anything FUN this weekend?" You bet, Steve! And I ain't tellin!
2. New security badges. It's like I work in Bladerunner!
3. My new Taz slippers.
4. Lamborghini posters.
5. Those hats with the pony-tails built-in. SO FUNNY! A true classic.
6. Not receiving a new flat screen monitor. Note: All CE Managers got brand new YD Flat Screen hi-res plasma screens this week. I obviously was not included in this bonanza, and while you might think I am bitter about this, I AM NOT. Because in three years, I will be the only person in Thornduke 3 free of bleeding eye cancer. And maybe that is something that a certain Assistant to the Regional Sales Rep should think about , when she treats people like skunk poo. Cause guess what, you can't reformat a fax form template when your eyes are full of bleeding tumors, Cindy.
7. Czech beer.
8. Double sided tape.
9. Did I already mention Peanut Butter? LOL. I don't like the organic kind, though - what's up with separation? No thanks. I didn't order Peanut Oil.
10. Impending upgrades at OrderUP! Sure the new pre-mades may cost more, but they are going to be so much quicker. We may even meet Q3 projections for efficiency. And we all know what THAT means!

Off to the Bagel-Dome.

Entry 18

Good news!

Through some stroke of glorious miscommunication (a specialty of the CE Dept) - yours truly just gained a new intern! I am really looking forward to finally getting some work done with the able assistance of Terry O. WELCOME TERRY O! Terry is getting a degree in sales focused accounting at BPI, and will be here throughout the Summer, so if you see Terry around the office, please say hello.

Here is a recent Terry O photo:

Terry and I will be dining out this afternoon at Farmer Longbottoms. (I love curly cinnamon chips!) I've got the table next to the tropical aviary reserved at 12:30. So, if you're in the neighborhood, stop on by.

Entry 19

First off, thanks to the Sunshine Committee for spreading the word about my recent ailment. I can't tell you how much I appreciated the awkward glances in the elevator these past few days. Here's a few other things to gnaw on:

1. Number 1, it is great to receive a generic card from gift shop signed "your friends at YD" in 12 point bell gothic light.
2. Number 2, the note in the breakroom that says HV has syphillis is both inaccurate and poorly designed.
3. Number 3, of all the cards available at the YD Gift Mart, I am absolutely baffled at the choice of the alligator in the hospital. I fail to even see the point of the clever message "Gator Well Soon!."

Gator me out of here...and into a plate of homemade apple quesadillas at Juan Feinsteins! Dee-lish!

Entry 20

So here was an interesting bit from a recent email. Seems my recent flurry of eBay purchases has set off some kind of alarm higher up. TGFTN (Thank God for Tom Needleburn)!

Begin forwarded email:

YD Mail Services provides a wide range of mail processing, collection, and delivery services to the greater YD campus and beyond. Like many departments, Mail Services has in the past few years struggled with budget cuts, higher labor costs, outsourcing, criminal investigations, and layoffs. In this challenging environment, we regularly examine all of our services to ensure that our limited resources are being properly utilized. One item of concern we have discovered is the widespread use of YD mail services for personal, non- essential business related purposes.

YD Mail Services Policy 317 states: "Company mail services are provided exclusively for official YD related use... Personal mail, personal bills, and letters are not considered official business, and may neither be received in YD departments nor sent out at company expense." YDMS-68 states: "No materials delivered through the company mail service shall be of a personal nature, such as merchandise catalogs, monthly bills, animal food, mail order brides, auction purchases, and Christmas cards or invitations to private functions."

We ask that all members of the YD community take responsibility for compliance with company policy regarding mail services.

Bruce Chow
Director
YD Mail Services Enterprises

zzzzzzzzzzz....whoops! I fell asleep reading this riveting treatise on how to use mail correctly. I think when I make $37,286 BEFORE taxes, YD could afford to buy me a few James Baldwin stamps and handle the infrequent receipt of a few items of the medieval persuasion from North Carolina.

Bruce. Now officially on my top ten worst names. Right now I need about five of those chewable cherry asprin tablets.

Entry 21

Wow. It is really getting hot outside - thank god for my personal cooling device. It fits snugly around my neck and keeps me cool all day long! Thanks to intern supreme Terry O. for the helpful hint!

And now back to my Summer Spectacular edition of the Shit List.

1. The New OrderUP Cafe. I kind of liked it when I could use my secret id card to swipe a $3 chicken noodle pouch. Now I have to spend $12 on a fluffernutter sandwich?? They should call that place PricesUP! *snort*
2. Laser mouse. Ok, I asked Big Jerry to come and figure out why my optical mouse was consistently not tracking with my movement. (At first I thought it was my carpal tunnel wrist protector that was impeding its steady flow). Jerry spent three hours after work monkeying with it. I finally left. But when I came back the next day the mousepad was greasy and the cubicle smelled like jelly donuts. Curious.
3. Boxer blow-out. This might be too personal, but I was sitting on my couch the other day, relaxing with some Funions, and I could feel the fabric of the sofa where I should have felt nothing but boxer material. Curiouser and curiouser.
4. Mesmerizing pipe screen saver. I can't get enough of this thing. The pipes just keep building and building like a massive, automatic sewage system. I am often reminded of my time in Thornduke 2. Thank god you can't go backwards in time, you know by accidentally hitting a button or anything.
5. Automated flight assistants. As some of you may know, I look forward to my regulated 1 week of vacation every year to fly to an exotic location. This year I picked Ottawa, Canada. In calling the airline (I would normally do it online, but my health problems require some special attention) I always get stuck talking to those damn computers! And when I ask for an agent I get some woman in Bangladesh who says her name is Patricia, but I highly doubt that is a Hindu name. The upside is, I am now going to Bangladesh and am looking forward to some time with Patricia's family working on a snake farm!
6. Interns. Ok. This may seem contradictory, given all the good things I have to say about my overly caffeinated intern, Terry O. BUT Taz Almighty, this kid NEVER SHUTS UP! I mean, it's a copier. Nobody showed ME how to use it. Figure it out! I came in the other day and he was standing there pushing buttons, drinking a red bull. The answer is not in the bottle, Terry! It's not in the bottle!
7. Skittles. Fuck you rainbow tasters. You ever try to taste a rainbow? It tastes damp. Yuck.
8. Christina Ricci. Nothing personal, I just think she's creepy.

   

9. The person who consistently leaves an empty coffee cup on top of the filing cabinet nearest my cubby. Are you trying to tell me something? Or are you just the laziest SOB in our entire company? Actually that would be the person who tried to flush the toilet seat protector down the toilet. What are you high? I had to reach in there and pull the shredded thing out with my hand. THANKS FOR MAKING MY MONDAY, jerk.
10. Budgetary projections. Argh. I'm drowning in cell notes and am twenty three bucks short on PC receipts! It's gotta be from that House of Zs team breakfast "Early Start Meeting."

I gotta hit the Castle Pounder for some flounder nibs.

Entry 22

Hey, is it possible for just your feet to get sick? Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Had some really good Chowder Balls last night over at BinOnions.

Entry 23

Enough already! After so many requests from my fellow office foodies (Tricia, that includes you) to map out my local food faves, here you go:

Click on the image to get a big version of the map. Big Ups to Terry O, graphical map master, who spent the better part of the week puting this together for me. Listed are a few of my favorite campus adjacent food haunts. I'll add to the list soon, but for now this should get all you YD nibblers started. Remind me if I missed anything, and Bert I do not think the "Red Baron" belongs on this map. Period.

Needless to say this exercise has gotten the ole juices flowing. I'm feeling the call of the classic Castle Pounder. PS - The Mayflower location has better fried celery fans if you're into that kind of thing.

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